Darkness in Dark Places

I don’t want to talk about my day.

I sat down to write this and promptly started searching for a song to fit my mood. My mood is currently: so tired and fed up that I’m gently crying and blowing my nose with toilet paper, wishing this week was just done already… but there are two more events before I can sleep.

The trouble is, it’s hard to find a song to fit this. I have a stack of music that I used to hide in when life was dark. But my life was so very dark back then. And when I go back to those songs, I realize it’s just not that bad anymore.

… When I used to miss the smiling eyes of the man I should never have met…


… Where I used to beat myself blue for leaving the wrong man for the wronger man …


… Where I loved a man who neither knew nor cared…


I’m sensing a theme here. A theme that has lifted in recent years. My pain is no longer what it once was, in part because I am no longer who I once was.

And he is different…


So there is one more song to share. The one that I picked to be the first dance at our wedding. He wasn’t sure at first, because Nikki Sixx wrote it for a stripper and that hardly makes it the most romantic of songs… but I said that I loved it because it really was the story of us, and I’m not ashamed of that.

When we first met, and for a long time, I really didn’t want to stay. He was pretty much a clean slate… and I was so very, very broken. I was full of bravado and flaunt, but there were a lot of ghosts still walking through my soul…

The ghosts have long gone now… And all that is left is the quiet crook of an arm in which to nestle my head.

Not so dark anymore. I am grateful.


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