No Exit

Not sure whether it’s optimism or sheer, pig-headed denial, but I have been trying not to dwell too much on our maybe/maybe-not mortgage over the past few days. I’ve been promptly sending through each new piece of information that the bank request, while trying to focus on other things and just carry on.

It’s been over two weeks since we asked to draw down the next stage. Our builder was supposed to start yesterday, but they still haven’t seen their money. And then, after sending them through all that financial info, the broker sent us a new application form last night. A new one. As in “you-definitely-don’t-have-a-loan-and-we-want-you-to-apply-again-so-we-can-decide-whether-or-not-to-give-you-any-money”. And today I just broke down and cried.

Then I picked up the phone and called another bank. One that turned us down originally. They’re coming to meet with us tomorrow.

I cried quite a lot more after that, but at least it’s a glimmer of hope in an otherwise unthinkable situation…

You know, we really do understand that sensation that the world is made up of the elites, all the rest of us, and a lot of closed doors in between. I haven’t just been blowing political smoke lately, or sitting sniffily on my mountaintop while reviewing the writhing masses. We’re very much part of that mass.

We understand what it’s like to be desperate. We get that feeling that the system is stacked against us. We live within our means, but we also live in one of the most over-heated property markets in the world. Our rent is a massive proportion of our income, and we’re very small customers with very little money. It was really hard to just get a mortgage in the first place. Now our best hope would appear to lie in another bank wanting to stick it to one of their competitors. It doesn’t seem like the sort of karmic situation I would want to inspire… but what choice do we have? It’s like being the rejected friend who only gets invited on a date because that date’s ex is going to be there and they want to make them jealous. They don’t want us unless we can facilitate their nastiness. We should dress to our best and hopefully they will find us sufficiently envy-inspiring. It’s not noble but we might get a meal out of it.

I’m sick of crying. Maybe sometimes you have to risk karma.

 

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