A bit of advice to the bride who might cancel the wedding because her family aren’t coming

I’ve written about it before, but most of the people around me still don’t know that Rob’s family didn’t come to our wedding. I’d had a really good (and close) relationship with his sisters for years… but one day they just decided that they didn’t like me and that was that.

Perhaps it was the knowledge of the upcoming wedding, and all of the implications of the permanency of our relationship. He was not looking for anyone else. I would always be around.

Or perhaps it was just the fraught nature of their own lives at the time. They were going through hard times. We were doing everything we could to be supportive, but it was no secret that our own lives were not nearly as hard.

Either way, I was cut off, and he was halfway cut off by association. It was heartbreaking and painful for both Rob and I, but I think that was always their intention.

So I get it. Unfortunately, I do. They weren’t willing to share in something joyful, and they were hoping that their unwillingness would make it less joyful for us too. If you think about it, it’s a pretty spiteful thing to do.

However. If you invite someone outside to come and witness a particularly gorgeous, glorious sunset, and they reply with “Nah. What is it with you and sunsets? I don’t like sunsets!”, their response doesn’t take anything away from the beauty of that sunset. The sunset continues to be equally beautiful even if no one is around to see it. You can choose to let them get to you – you can stay inside and close your eyes to it and feel like something is wrong with you – you can choose to let their negativity affect your experience of that sunset. Or you can accept that it is their loss and go out to watch the sunset anyway. Your life needn’t be smaller just because they want to curse all the joys of the world.

The love that you and your husband have today is beautiful. It’s truly what makes life worth living. When you have a wedding, all you’re really doing is sharing a glimpse of that beauty with others. It’s not about impressing people, or submitting to other people’s wishes – it’s just about inviting them to see something lovely. And just like the sunset, that loveliness continues to exist even when no one is around. It’s part of your gift to the world. Yes it hurts if some people aren’t willing to receive it, but that doesn’t make it any less of a gift.

If other people choose not to accept the beautiful thing you’re giving them – if they rail against the goodness that life has to offer – then that’s their choice and their loss. It doesn’t make your love any less beautiful.




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s