The Ordeal

The second wedding was better than the first. The second couple were clearly in love and everyone had a good time.

The first wedding was weirdly tense from the start. Someone tried to deliberately flood the bathroom by packing paper towels in the sink and leaving the faucet on full. Then the evening ended with the barman cutting off the groom (because he was drunk), and then the groom yelled at the bride like it was her fault, and she burst into tears. I really hope she’s okay.

That couple seemed like a very odd fit – he never came to a meeting throughout the whole planning process, and she looked right through everybody like she was completely distracted. She seemed to have no idea what she wanted, and take no real joy in the whole event. Even when they gave their vows, he read it out like a boring shopping list… but they already had two kids together… And after how the night finished, I can’t help but think his invisibility and her distraction was a sign of something more sinister.

You do see some very revealing things when you work at weddings (and I don’t mean just having to shove your hand down the bride’s cleavage so that you can pin together her dress at the last moment, or having to hold her dress while she pees, or having to stick and ice pack in her underwear so she doesn’t pass out in the heat of summer… all which I’ve done). Brides in tears. Grooms in tears. Grooms who are more interested in the Best Man. Brides who get ugly drunk. Very controlling parents. Weird photo montages from their childhoods. The cute, young, Christian couples who run off at 8:30 because they’re so desperate to finally have sex. People having sex in the toilets. People having sex in the photobooth (by the way, the camera is digital, so we get to download everything…)… Most of the time, it’s just working with a couple of people who are under a lot of stress, and who don’t have the foggiest idea what they need to do, but they’re also trying to pretend that they’re enjoying it. Your hope is that eventually they do get to enjoy it, but it’s often a long road getting there.

I’ve noticed the new trend for more relaxed (and cheaper) weddings, and I really think there’s something to be said for that. All you need to do is let go of this weird societal pressure where you feel like all of your friends and family are judging you. And how many people really want to invite judgey people to their wedding anyway? Our own wedding was pretty much just photos and dinner at a restaurant with friends. It makes it more of a party and less of an ordeal. I didn’t even have centerpieces.

Meh. Centerpieces. No one seriously gives that much of a fuck about Mason jars and birchbark. Really it should just be about enjoying one another’s company.




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