Banana Sap Smells like Bananas, and Other Things I’ve Learned

When you get up at 5am (conferences!) and this is vastly unnatural to you, and the coffee canister is empty… when you open the new packet of coffee, you will tip the whole thing into your cup instead of the canister. Because you’re an idiot. And it’s 5am.

When you get home late after a 13 hour shift and you have to do laundry, you will carefully separate your whites from your colors, you will spray the stains and bundle up your bras into a lingerie bag… and then you will run the whole cycle without putting any powder into the machine. Because you’re an idiot. And you’ve just been at work for 13 hours.

When you’re looking at your finances (Rent AND a mortgage! What were we thinking?) and felling depressed, you will go online and buy plants. Because you’re an idiot. And because you’ve replaced your shoe habit and lingerie habit with a plant habit.

When you decide to go out and work on the new section on an oppressively hot and sunny afternoon, you will put on sunblock, but you will miss a little strip across your shoulder. Because you’re an idiot. And because you need something violent and painful and red to keep you awake at night.

When you have to go to bed early (because conferences), and you’ve eaten all the pasta and drunk all the wine just to make yourself sleepy, you will then decide to go on Facebook for two hours and write a blog. Because you’re an idiot. And because you have to write this blog every day, even when full of wine and pasta.

And when you wake up on the couch again at 5am, with the kitties batting at your face, the TV will be on something funny at a low volume, and you will have a warm blanket, and your glasses will be on the end table… Because you’re an idiot. And because you don’t deserve such a loving, considerate husband.

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