Fortitude

Well, (after having about 4 hours sleep last night) I rushed home from work today and pushed to get that last assignment done. Submitted it just short of the midnight deadline, and then crashed out asleep.

I am soooo glad that course is finished. The texts were boring, the assignments vague, and there seemed to be so little point to any of it. I’ll be happy if I never see another Gantt chart for as long as I live.

I have two weddings to do over the coming weekend. Two long, hard days at work, and then it’s Labour Day. Starting from Labour Day, I’ve taken four days off. We’re going to see Lamb of God on Wednesday, as our first anniversary present to ourselves, so I deliberately took the days either side of that too. Tuesday will mean that I don’t feel rushed (and that I might be able to do my nails), and Thursday I may be hungover.

The weather is beautiful (unlike last weekend), and I feel like I can already see the other side of Sunday. Things feel settled and serene… for the first time in ages, really…

Lamb of God released a new song just a few days ago, but I’m not going to link to it here. Instead, I’m going to share their story of why the song got written. It’s a story about fortitude – pushing on through adversity, and living and dying on your own terms. A heavy subject for a Saturday morning, but an inspiring video all the same…

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Outatime

The last assignment for my course is due this week. Since I’ve been a bit busy with work (and had a couple days off sick too) I figured it was no big thing to ask for another extension. I have some days off booked next week, and there will be more time to get some writing done.

I got the answer today… denied. Aw crap. Now I have a bit over two days (and I’m at work on both of those days) to write a 10-page report that I haven’t even started. In fact, I hadn’t even cracked open a book to start researching for it. Double crap.

It meant that, after getting that email, I cut short my planned day out at the section planting trees. Only got 5 trees planted this morning. It was disappointing, but at least now I’ve read some texts and have some kind of vague idea of what I need to be writing about.

Which also means that I should probably cut the blogging short tonight and try to focus on my boring coursework instead. That will teach me for procrastinating and thinking I could get away with it.

I will be so glad when this course is over…

Got an old coat for a pillow

Well, I got it done. Still not really sure how, but hopefully it’s good enough to pass.

It has been a grinding day in so many different ways. Started out badly and just kept plummeting in that same direction. My husband admitted just how much he hates his new job. I might have to fire somebody tomorrow. And right now it seems like everyone is snapping at me like I’m a horrible person.

My morale is low. I’ve begun the realize just how destructive the last three months have felt. I hit that point in late June where I was really let down by my boss and started hating my job… and that’s when everything went grey and (except for the garden) pretty much stayed that way.

So of course I’ve washed up on the shores of the internet again. Looking for some kind of meaning in anything.

YouTube has found this little forgotten jewel for me…

Ah yes. Back when they knew how to market good-looking young men to teenage girls. More lingering shots of his torso please.

I seem to recall this was back in that year when Jon Bon Jovi found an abandoned ’50s drive-in that happened to just randomly be on top of a mesa… which isn’t even flat like a carpark, even if you could get a car up there without the use of a helicopter. And where would the power supply come from? Or the food for the concession stand? It all made perfect sense.

In retrospect, I bet that was a surprisingly expensive video to make. Because, you know, helicopters.

Life experience ruins everything again.

Final Stretch

Oof. I came home from work early so that I could keep working on my assignment.

Just realised I’ve been writing for 10 hours.

Aaaand… I’m still not done. I’m close. I’d better be, since it’s due tomorrow. There is one large chunk of this assignment still left to do. And that bit is a revision of an earlier bit. I’m feeling more confident about this assignment in general, as I think I’m starting to get a better feel for what the lecturer is looking for. However, the marking schedule looks tricky, and I think I’m still easily 30 marks off the pace.

I don’t have 10 hours to spare tomorrow. I will be home after 5pm, and I absolutely must get it submitted before midnight.

But sleep is calling. Gentle, soft, embracing sleep.

We shall see what tomorrow holds…

Someplace Else

More progress on my assignment. Not as much as I’d hoped but…

It’s just so nice coming home from work when it’s still daylight. I can sit out on the deck, or at least with the windows open. The birds are out. The freesias and bluebells are in bloom. Knowing that the sun is still up when I need to be thinking about dinner… that just feels so good. I don’t know why we don’t have daylight savings all year round.

Seriously, why don’t we? Why not add a little bit more sunshine to our winter evenings?

I did have an ultrasound on my thyroid today. It’s the fourth one I’ve had, but the last one was three years ago. I already know that there are nodules in my thyroid, but they are looking for changes.

The lady who was giving me the scan was very chatty and friendly initially. She took two or three pictures. Then she moved over to the right side of my neck and suddenly got very quiet. She took LOTS of pictures of that side. Then she took some of the left side, and then she checked my lymph nodes. She reassured me that my lymph nodes looked normal. Somehow, it was obvious that she wasn’t saying everything.

In the end, she said there’s a large nodule on the right side of my thyroid – but certainly not the largest or worst she’s seen, and she didn’t think it looked sinister “but I’m not a specialist”. She said that she’ll send through her scans, they’ll compare it to my old ones, and I should hear back on Thursday.

It was ok. I already knew that it was worse on the right-hand side, so I’m actually not thinking that the specialist will freak out about it. This, of course, doesn’t necessarily solve my problem. In fact, no news is probably the worst news. Because that also means no answers…

So… ok, but also slightly melancholy and wistful tonight… Wishing there was someplace else to go…

 

 

Chewing Cardboard

The heavy rain has been washing in all day, so I’m quite glad that I had homework to do. If I’d had plans for the garden, they would never have happened in this weather.

However, I actually made some surprisingly good progress on my course assignment (despite all my procrastination) and am almost hopeful that I’ll be able to hand this one in on time this week. Unlike the last one. Of course, it all depends on how much paid work I have thrown at me this week, and whether I can come home every night with enough energy to get some more writing done.

Tonight is a bad example. I’m struggling to hold my eyes open. My writing is bland and as dull as cardboard… after a whole day of writing stuff that’s as dull as cardboard. And reading texts that are worse. God forgive anyone who writes a business textbook which isn’t full of mind-melting jargon.

I’ve certainly read my fair share of dense and difficult texts before. On my first time through I did an Arts degree, for heaven’s sake! I’ve read Foucault and Proust. Nobody understands Proust. He’s the king of reading and re-reading a sentence four times over, and then staring at it blankly for a minute until the sense finally starts to reveal itself. But at least those guys knew how to write. It strikes me that business textbooks are written by people who really don’t have the foggiest idea what they’re on about, so they just invent acronyms and cram them all together with a few verbs in between.

… “The CV of the EVA is calculated by withdrawing the BCWP against the ACWS.” …

This is meant to teach me something? Oh go fuck yourself.

Out of the Darkness

The cats may know that daylight savings started tonight. I fell asleep on the couch (as usual) and they woke me up with persistent smooching and claws at 4:30am… only now it’s 5:30am, so virtually breakfast time. How could they know this? Now they have settled to just lying all over me and pinning me down so that I can’t get up without disturbing them. Just in case I try to sneak away, I guess.

It’s still very dark outside. It will take a while to become re-accustomed to leaving for work in the dark.

It took quite a while to write that last post, but overall the rest of my weekend will be very dull. It’s raining. I have another course assignment to do. I’ll be tied to the computer for a few days (and probably tired and grumpy and stressed, just like last time).

So of course, I’ve been procrastinating by enjoying The Guardian’s collection of stories about vaginas. I’ve added my sketch to the Wall of Vulvas (won’t tell you which one is mine). My sex-nerdery doesn’t come out much on this blog, but I do love reading stories like these, if only because they are so basic that I can grumble “What do you mean people can’t identify a labia majora? They should be able to label the anterior fornix, or the Skenes glands, or the perimetrium. Jeesh!” And, as many others under the have pointed out, women don’t pee out of their vagina… unless you have a tear after giving birth, in which case you need surgery. I do dearly love teaching people about how all their bits work, and am constantly amazed by how little most people know. It’s like not understanding what your stomach does. So sad.

One day I’ll have to go back to having a job where I get teach people about their genitals. So sad.

 

The Extra Hour

So tired.

12 hours at work and 3000 words added to the last bit of the project. It is just ramble and needs much editing though. My brain has reached a test-pattern stage. I could probably go back to work now, and be roughly competent, but I just can’t go any further creatively. I need sleep.

If I plan ahead, I can probably wake a little earlier and squeeze another hour’s work out of my morning. Better to get that hour then than try to make it happen now.

When did we all get old?